Of all the reasons to love Holy Week I'm sure I am one of the few who would name anger, frustration and tears. Growing up to be the "good girl" there was little place for these things in my life, everything was supposed to fine, o.k., good. But the reality of life is that things aren't always fine, o.k. and certainly not good. The storm clouds will gather, there will be rain, and into each life a little rain must fall, and at times too much will fall on me.
But in the beauty of Holy Week we remember the ugly side of humanness that Jesus faced. We remember the week where he was welcomed in the back gate (back door) of Jerusalem one day and in the course of a week would face betrayal, beating, absence of friends, humiliation and ultimately death. Worse than any one week most of us can imagine. Jesus lives out the worst nightmare any could live through....Yet that doesn't minimize the pain we all experience in our own lives, no, instead it is a reminder of the ultimate empathy of a loving God. When we have felt betrayed, alone and without friends, in the bonds of physical pain or beyond the loving grasp of those who try to assist us, we can know that we are not truly alone, but are accompanied by Christ who is truly THERE with us.
Just as Jesus cried to God asking to have this bitter cup taken away from him, so can we, to ask to be freed pain is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of our human condition. We would all like a life free from pain and suffering. I feel it is to be honest and authentic during Holy Week to acknowledge the pain we have or currently are enduring in a very strong way, to open up all our human wounds and angst as a way of release. To bottle up all our feelings is deny our created being, that we are human. For much of my life in trying to be the "good girl" I would not cry, I can count on one hand the times I cried in the course of 30 years, and there was a lot of pain in that time. There were times all I wanted was sweet release, and I just couldn't eek a tear, I thought I would burst.
But just as Jesus suffered that week, we know the full story, we know that he will rise again. One of the graces of taking this time to live into our sorrow and pain is that we also live into the hope that we too are going to rise as well. Life is a cycle of ups and downs and when move with this motion we get to experience the fullness of life. What is the saying, I wouldn't know how wonderful happiness is unless I understood the depths of sorrow. The story of Easter is that the fasting will be followed by feasting, the pain followed by joy, that death will be followed by life, ultimately there is an eternal happy ending.
Last year when I entered Piegaro and my year of Sabbath I was tired, worn and broken. I left refreshed, renewed and readily awaiting the fullness of new life. Returning to Seattle has not been all joy.... but the story is not over yet. This week I cry out my frustrations knowing that eventually it will all work out in the end in the eternal bliss of life with friends met along the journey..... I celebrate the gift of release of all that drains me, the week truly is Holy.
How do you find release from your pain?
How do you find hope for tomorrow?
