One of the things I miss most about the Italian culture is the “salute,” the greeting one gives when meeting or parting with friends. It has none of the military connotations of an English or American salute, but rather is a warm, expressive show of affection. Most have seen it in the movies or on t.v. the kiss on either cheek that requires eye contact and physical touch. Something I enjoyed from children, women and men of all ages as a greeting of friendship. SWEET! Even in joking around kissing is present, too fun!
For whatever reasons here in America, whether fears from our Puritan forbearers or our modern culture of violence (please, our t.v. commercials are a barrage of violence), we seem to shy away from displays of affection. We even have a genteel acronym “PDA” Public Display of Affection, that puts these physical actions in a place that indicates they should be at arm’s length. When back in the American culture I find myself touching people less, which startled me, for it was something I appreciated so much.
The topic of public displays of affection especially on the greeting and parting end hit home last week when a facebook friend started a discussion on the Gottman Relationship Institute’s theory of the “Six Second Kiss.” Reading the thread of comments I read a couple of “not enough time in a day to spend on kissing,” to “what would people think if they saw us kissing like that.” Now the six second kiss is specifically geared toward putting intimacy into a romantic couple’s life, this is between two people who are enamored of each other. No admittedly the person who commented about what people would say was a pastor who’s concern were people in church, but of all places, in God’s house where we are to love one another, it seems showing love for your spouse would be welcome.
What some of these comments came down to was that in our culture, reflected in these comments, we are too busy, and too concerned about other’s judgment to take time and/or show our affection. What I felt in Italy was how important the simple acts of affection are, the words my friends use even in signing notes, calling me dear, signing off with a kiss, are all so wonderfully intimate. When my dear friend Colleen was in the hospital, everyone in town not only asked about her, but sent along hugs and kisses for her.
It was a great gift of love to receive this kind of affirming touch and affection, it is my prayer and hope that I remember to show such grace to others. The appropriate displays of love for friends, for partners is a gift that warms the heart, and scientists have found improves our relationships. Last week scientists reported that the same brain centers stimulated by addictions are the centers that are stimulated by love…. How more healthy would our world be if we stimulated our beings with love instead of drugs, alcohol or other displacements? What an amazing gift this thing called love is, and how wonderful it is that when we show our love for others, when see our loved ones it not only feeds our souls, but stimulates our minds and makes our bodies feel good.
I thank God for the blessing of love from my friends in Piegaro, and pray I share that gift with others here in America.
How do you feel when others show you love?
How do you feel when touched by love, physically or emotionally?
Hugs and gentle touches are more common physical displays here in America, how can you utilize comfortable displays to convey your caring for others in your expression of love with concern for cultural norms?
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