In the study of Psychology there is what is known as the top 10 list of Trauma. The list includes things like job loss, children moving out of the house, end of a relationship and moving to a new home. In the past year and a half I have successfully managed to achieve the top 5 and then some. For most of the time I look quite relaxed and my friends often comment “how can you be so calm, I would be so stressed.” The simple answer is, I am stressed, but after growing up in a household of trauma I have mastered the fine art of holding it all in, to keep a poker face for quite a time. This is not a good thing, but it is what many of us learn as a survival skill.
As I sit here in the caffe on a typical morning I am doing something different, I am writing, normally I would be studying mio l’ italiano, but I realized I was coming to the end of my poker face, that I was reaching exhaustion with the pace of study. When I arrived in town it was so wonderful to have so much encouragement from my friends for me to learn the language quickly so we can all talk, but today I realized how the intense study combined with tasks about the villa, living in yet another temporary space, and my friends here sharing concerns (and my worry) about my living alone and getting tasks done needed to meet visa requirements was getting overwhelming. In less than a week I had a new list of trauma, rather unfortunate given I am in Umbria for rest. Throw in adjusting to a new culture and I was over the top.
So here I sit, doing the familiar, writing in English, using my beloved words. As a gift from God a table full of beautiful Australian girls entered and I could spend a little time conversing in my native tongue about what I love so much, the people, place, life and culture of Italy. There are times in life we need the familiar to provide a place of rest, a place to breathe. The reality is ,that the root of trauma are things that take us to the unfamiliar.
One of the keys of relaxing in this beautiful place I have journeyed to for rest is to appreciate the familiar, the people who continue to welcome me on a regular basis, make me feel at home. To breathe the prayers of the mass that is the same the world over ,in peace. To know that when my friends say, “piano, piano” they mean it, it is o.k. to slow down, when reminded it is time to put away the books, it is an invitation to BE, to relax away from stress, in this I hear echoed through their voices the sound of my son Trevor, reminding me to breathe. At different times people in America asked why I didn’t take this Sabbatical time to travel to a new place, to Ireland or France. The simple answer was that I found a place that feeds my soul, that is more and more familiar and as I relax in learning “piano” all is well, and when needed, a morning in English is always available. Simply put, it is to live in God’s time, to savor not to suffer.
When you name the trauma in your life, do you have space to look for the familiar, to find rest?
What do you fall back on for familiarity (worship, community, family or other)?
What informs your soul that you need rest, how do you make it happen?
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