I was surprised the other day when a very distinguished friend here in Italy, from the next town over, asked me what the latest gossip was; Not only was I terribly amused by the twinkle in his eye, but found myself twinkling too; I then began to rehash what has been the main gossip in my circle, not just of this trip, but for the last 2 times I've been here...all about the caffe and plans to change, new owners, success for the future, past intrigue. It is so easy to get caught up in a good story, especially one that seems to run a long time, and that it has been my pleasure to watch unfold. The interesting thing about gossip is that when it comes right down to it, it is always about relationship, not only the relationship to my friend as we shared the story, but about the participants as well, it is about the unfolding of life, about conflict and joys. But this is the positive side of gossip and there is a very good reason why gossip is discouraged in the bible, and by people who are wise. For it is most difficult to know that others are talking about you instead of with you, it is difficult to know that often people are discussing your motives and ideas in difficult situations. Most of all it is a reality that when life is difficult we are not at our best, and when we really need support from others, to have people speak about us instead of with us, it simply hurts.
It makes me reflect on my own draw into the gossip of the lives and business of others. It made me reflect on how I felt about knowing of gossip about me. When I was in high school there was an interesting tidbit of gossip floating around after a summer at my aunt’s home where I returned with a gift, my grandmother’s wedding ring, it was rumored I was married over the summer. At an age other girls were going out on dates, I was alone, having it assumed through gossip that I was married. For all the genuine interest in my life that led to the spread of gossip, the fact that it was it hurt.
More reflection... Something mulling in my mind for a while was what brought me back to Italy. That there was a sense of familiarity, and although I would be the new girl in town, it is a town I've been in before and love. I wasn't brand-new, but just new. Having moved about more than the American national average of once every 2-3 years, I'm tired of moving, and tired of being the new girl in town, the one people talk about. One funny reflection was that my wardrobe and hair are the greatest tricks of my trade to avoid deep gossip about myself. Over the years it has come to my attention that if people talk about my hair and clothes they usually don't pry to deep into my personal life in the gossip department. Sort of the best defense is a good offence. And in talking this topic with others, I discovered many different tricks people used to avoid gossip, an indication that gossip is something universal globally, and something most dislike being the source of.
How do we avoid getting drawn into the sharing of gossip?
How can we join in the conversation with the people we would talk about and instead talk with them when we truly care?
Can we find any comfort when we know we are the center of gossip at the awareness that at its core, we are worthy of others’ interest?
How do we participate both in the elimination of gossip of others, and keep good boundaries to prevent some of the gossip that would happen about us?
No comments:
Post a Comment