One of the ways I’m learning Italian is by eavesdropping in on conversations at Bottiglia. This week I heard a young man describe himself as a “paesano.” A term I’ve heard in American comedy movies and t.v. but did not really know what it meant until my son asked what it meant before I came to Italy, because he knew in America it is a “dis” – a “slam” – an insult, certainly not a compliment.
Being an insecure person myself, I’m quite used to putting myself down, referring to myself as stupid, crazy and not normal on a regular basis. My friends here will encourage me not to do so, just as my friends in Seattle did. To call others names is certainly acknowledged by all to be harmful, even a sin, but we often don’t realize how putting ourselves down not only harms our own well-being, but often affects other people. For a term that one uses to name their low place, their feelings of inadequacy, may be something wonderful to another, and give a term of magic a sad tone, and especially is hard to hear when you see the person naming themselves lowly as not low at all.
Seriously, I think of crazy and not normal as compliments, who wants to be normal??? And who in this world isn’t a bit crazy??? All geniuses have had a touch of madness! These are typically the phrases I use when I am trying to walk the tightrope of wondering where I am in the world that I utilize for myself. I had a horrible run-in with someone while here in Italy and realized how quick I was to put myself down, which helped the other person pounce upon my insecurity. Then I went to my friends here who immediately called me out to be strong, and that they would help me learn to be a stronger person, a stronger woman. God I am so thankful for my femma Italiana amici!!!! My-self insults where harmful in this situation, which took me back to considering the harm of insecurity and words used.
So going back to when my son asked what paesano was because he had heard it so many times, we looked up the term; in American dictionarires it was “country boy” or person from the sticks. Here in Italy, according to my very good interpretor Roberta, it means one from the village. I laughed at the time because I would never consider either of those an insult. The only man I ever loved mind-body-soul was a lovely young man from a small town in the middle of nowhere with the iconic, ironic cowboy name Shane. How many times I dreamt of being that awful child actor in the movie “Shane” calling out “Shane, Shane, come back Shane!” Shane and I were both so insecure that we were afraid to tell the other we loved them; something I would learn after he left town from his cousin, who filled me in on all the sordid details of his leaving feeling I never loved him. Twenty years later I can still name him as the love of my life.
When we call ourselves names, when we think so low of ourselves we cause ourselves nothing but harm. I once heard that the sin of man was pride, the sin of women insecurity….but I think both pride and insecurity reside in the same place the fear and denial of the wonder of our created being. To remember that we are not “just” a paison, stupid, a city rat, a _____(fill in the blank), we come a little closer to Love….love of self….love of others…love of the God in whom we are created in image.
What are some of the names you give yourself?
Do they glorify or deny the creator of all in love?
How do we find those who can support us to move beyond the negative labels we give ourselves?
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